By Robert P. Poindexter
A man walks into his home one afternoon and his wife begins this conversation with him.
Wife: Where have you been?
Husband: Church.
Wife: Oh, and what was the sermon about?
Husband: Sin.
Wife: Really? And what did the preacher say about it ?
Husband: He was against it.
This man would be considered taciturn. We’ve all known people just like him. Their short answers make them come off as unfriendly. They will rarely ask a question, and, as in the example above, they answer in as short a response as is possible.
Some people are only this way sometimes. Like, if they’ve had a particularly hard day at work, or they just have a lot on their mind. Some people are born this way and have no inclination to behave any differently.
All of us can be this way when someone tries engaging us on a subject we have no interest in. Husbands get this way the moment their wives start talking about anything that doesn’t have to do with food, sex or sports. Wives become this way when their husbands START talking about any of those things.
Other than making you an unpleasant person to be in the same room with, this level of taciturn behavior doesn’t interrupt most of our lives.
However, if you are currently involved in a job search, there is no level of this attitude that would be considered acceptable. I am shocked almost on a weekly basis by clients who engage our services and then suddenly become tight-lipped when it comes time to help build the career document. Or the endless stream of emails from potential clients that seemingly drop off the end of the world when it comes time to firm up an agreement.
Most of us understand that people change their minds or have circumstances beyond their control arise. What we don’t understand is the lack of courtesy that dictates at least a short response that helps to clarify the situation. I can only assume that since our communication thus far has only occurred via the computer, they are simply showing the same amount of respect they would show any other inanimate object.
Look, we are all busier than we have ever been as a species. I get that. All I’m asking is that we realize there is a human being on the other side of that keyboard and treat them as though they were on the other side of a desk.
Rob –
“… realize there is a human being on the other side of that keyboard and treat them as though they were on the other side of a desk.”
Amen and amen again. I could go on and on and on with supporting examples of the lack of consideration I’ve experienced as a resume writer and as a corporate customer service manager, but won’t. Most people probably wouldn’t believe people can “act like that” (they can AND do!) and I’d come across as “sour grapes”.
The anonymity of the computer and even the telephone almost grants permission for behavior that would never happen face-to-face.
Instead, I’ll add what my mother has said to me my entire life:
“It doesn’t cost any more to be nice.”
Mom truly does know best — even in a virtual world.
Excellent post!!
So true, Dawn. I’m of the opinion that a lot of the world’s ills could be cured with just a little more courtesy no matter what the situation. Thanks for the lovely comments. Its always good to hear from you.
Cheers
Rob
You make some great points here. Unfortunately, in the fast progress of technology, professionals lost or abandoned, rather, the art of business writing. Courses used to be taught on it. I’m not sure whether they still are, but I often wonder whether they have been updated to include e-mail, chat, social media, etc. The informality of these media in comparison with the written letter has somehow given people the freedom to feel at ease to speak to each other in almost any manner they see fit.
It reminds me of driving in traffic. It is easy to get upset, act poorly, make jesters, be inconsiderate, etc. because you aren’t likely to have to come face-to-face with that person.
So many times I get these e-mails that come across as cold, angry, and taciturn. I’ve taken to responding to them with a phone call, as 9 times out of 10 this person who was a lion via e-mail is a pussy cat via the phone. It’s a little frustrating though because e-mail was supposed to make things more efficient, but now I am right back to spending all this time on the phone, just so I can feel like I am communicating with a real person and ensuring a positive client experience.
Picking up the phone is an excellent idea, Sheree. You make a great point about comparing e-mail to driving in traffic as well. Thank you so much for checking in and adding some additional texture.
Cheers
Rob
In reading this post, I found it rather ironic that clients would engage in the very behavior that rankles their ire when it’s done to them by Human Resources. A good reminder that courtesy should be given, not only expected.
“Rankles their ire”- I’m going to steal this phrase from you if it’s ok!!
Thank you for taking a moment to check-in Melissa. It’s always fun to hear from you.
Cheers
Rob
Go for it, Rob! I don’t remember for sure where I heard it first, but sometimes it’s the best way to describe a reaction to something that gets your dander up 😉
You know, Rob, seeing the same phenomenon here. Walk a mile in my shoes comes to mind. All of us who are entrepreneurs have a better idea than anyone else how the job seeker feels but I doubt many job seekers figure that out. When we experience the feast and famine cycles of business, we learn from it, get more advice, market more (if we are smart), and we know that it will change. Many job seekers do the opposite. They fail to invest or even use the free resources, panicking and thinking they will never work again. It’s a difference in mental attitude, I think. We see a challenge, they don’t.
Feeling a little cynical today which is not in my normal form but it seems that you & Jacqui, Dawn, and I have been experiencing the same thing.
Hi Julie,and thanks for checking in. In the auto industry, we commonly referred to the ‘be back bus’. This was in reference to all the people who said they would be back after spending several hours with a salesperson,never to be heard from again. The idea was that some day a bus would pull into the lot containing all those who said they’d be back,lol. I’ve still not seen this bus. Have a great day and try not to turn blue from holding your breath.
Cheers
Rob
Rob,
What you say is valid and true.
I’m not excusing their behaviour, but I wish to shed some light on how, otherwise civilised people, can turn into monsters.
I liken it to an air-filled cushion. Without good emotional management techniques (stress) from which to draw upon, each successive round of disappointment (job loss, failed marriage, isolation, demands) releases more and more air out of that cushion.
Eventually, which may be when they call upon you, they have nothing left – no soft spot upon which to land. Their cushion is depleted, as are they.
This is one of the many detrimental side- effects of stress and why it’s not “Just stress”. There is nothing “just” about it, least of all when you are at the other end of the phone or the computer.
Marianna, I agree with the fact that we are usually dealing with people who are under a certain amount of duress, and as professionals we should recognize this and do whatever we can to ease their pain.If a beggar asked me for bread, I will gladly give it, I just don’t want to be punched in the gut after doing so.
Thanks so much for checking in and providing a different point of view, it’s always great to hear from you.
Cheers
Rob