Have you ever connected with someone new, enjoyed the brilliancy of their smile, the ebullience of their voice and the mutual passion for a hobby? Have you experienced such instant-connections abruptly taking a nosedive?
That was me last night as my husband and I sat at the bar in our boathouse, basking in the glow of the sunset.
When Conversations Turn Pushy
After 10 minutes of lighthearted banter with neighboring boaters, the mood cracked. The wife’s enthusiasm for working out, and her bootcamp program at the local fitness studio swallowed up the conversation. Politely, and with initially genuine interest, I inquired and listened to the program specifics. Her muscular, lean physique and energy as a 50-something year-old woman proved that her regimen worked! I was intrigued!
She described how this was a recent achievement, having once weighed in at 200 lbs! I was sold.
However, she then pressed me to attend her classes in a location inconvenient to me, and the conversation took a nosedive. I mentioned my home gym, but she virtually rolled her eyes. I promised to keep her classes in mind, yet she scoffed and said, “Yeah, that’s what everyone says!” She insisted my work-from-home advantage availed me to attend her 8 am classes.
My interest waned.
Social Networking Gone Awry
As I thought more about the one-way conversation, it resonated with recent social networking gone awry. Interest that was sparked by genuine affection for someone’s expertise, experience and/or deliverables led to commenting on or sharing their content.
Several conversations extended offline. Because I’m highly selective and will winnow out interlopers, those interactions were mutually valuable, most of the time. Occasionally, however, a person’s social and professional courtesies crumbled. They began a hard sell of opinions and expertise, implying they knew what was best for me, insisting I hear them out, despite signals to the contrary.
Instead of trusting that their unique value proposition was visible, through their engaging blog posts, and well-articulated website, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, etc. channels, they began drowning me in insights and sales pitches.
How Careerists Can Exude Their Value Proposition
Similarly, I believe careerists who are availing their value to potential employers should reconsider pushy behaviors online and in person.
While proactively focusing in on and reaching out to key decision makers with targeted, powerful messaging is commendable, knowing when to retreat is admirable, as well. Enabling room for the courted to make the next move versus pressuring or inundating them is advisable.
As well, knowing how to listen and respond effectively to the employer’s assertions, questions and particular needs is imperative. Empathizing, customizing your responses and then simply exiting the conversation for the time being are admirable traits. Let the conversation sink in; interested parties will return to engage in their own time. As well, consider the art of gentle, pressure-less follow-up at a later date.
Take the time to pull through the unique threads of your value story into a cohesive message. Avail it in concise, digital formats so hiring decision makers can easily find and digest what’s important to them, at their own speed. Pull them in versus pushing your message onto your target audience. This strategy is a magical formula that often works, and is often preferred.
When it comes to articulating your unique value proposition for your target audience, I can help. I am a Certified Master Resume Writer (CMRW) and Career Strategist. Writing storied content for high-level executives, entrepreneurs + small- to mid-size businesses is my focus. Facts-gathering is essential; I also delve beyond the bottom line to emote your value. Contact me for more information.
Betty says
hi Jackie, I love this post and just wanted to say hi, Im loving the path you are walking. Betty
Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter says
Thank you so much, Betty! I appreciate your kind words.
Jacqui
ROBERT POINDEXTER says
So true!! Great post! A wise man once said, “You can pull a chain around the world, but you can’t push one across a room.”.
Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter, Master Resume Writer says
Well said, Robert! I love that quote!
Jacqui
Donna L Schilder says
Great post Jacqui!
I think building true relationships through social media (or through any other avenue) requires finesse, authenticity, deep listening, respect, and sensitivity to the other person’s wants and needs. That’s what’s missing from the interaction you describe.
This line in your post deftly explains why this person’s hard sell doesn’t work and why it feels so awkward in your relationship, they:
“. . . began a hard sell of opinions and expertise, implying they knew what was best for me, insisting I hear them out, despite signals to the contrary.”
The speaker is dominant, not allowing the give and take of authentic, relationship-building conversation. And, is not truly listening to you. In addition, it seems there’s a lack of authenticity.
If the services or products that one has to offer would benefit the other person with whom you are building a relationship, one could offer those services not, sell them.
I picture this speaker standing over you, looking down on you and pushing.
If that person offered, with an open hand, the products or services they have available, without pushing you to engage with them and, if that person truly and authentically believed in the quality of the product or services, then it could be relationship building, not relationship breaking.
Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter says
Good morning, Donna!
Thank you so much for your eloquent and thoughtful comment, as per your norm.
I particularly liked this:
“I picture this speaker standing over you, looking down on you and pushing.” <- YES, that visual perfectly describes the visceral feeling I had.
And, this is a spot-on alternative to what I experienced:
"If that person offered, with an open hand, the products or services they have available, without pushing you to engage with them and, if that person truly and authentically believed in the quality of the product or services, then it could be relationship building, not relationship breaking." <- I especially like the 'open-hand' concept.
Thank you for being that person who cultivates relationships so well, interaction-after-interaction, day-over-day.
Grateful for you,
Jacqui